Article at a glance:

• Platforms like TikTok and Snapchat present unique parenting challenges.
• You’ll need more than one strategy to monitor your child’s social media use.
• Readiness relies on age, maturity, and a commitment to transparency.

Much of this generation’s emotional and social development is happening on social media. And social media isn’t all bad. The American Academy of Pediatrics has found a lot of benefits to using social media. For example, it can help create social connections, provide enhanced learning opportunities, and improve technical skills. Plus, permitting our children to use social media allows us to gradually show them the ropes instead of dropping them in the deep end at 18.

However, social media also has downsides like bullying, sexting, exposure to inappropriate content, and depression. There are also some genuine privacy and safety concerns. Children and teens are particularly at risk for the negative side effects because their brains are still developing. They don’t always understand the risks involved in posting certain kinds of content, sharing personal information, and being exposed to new influences.

Without limits, social media can begin to replace in-person relationships. Time with friends off social media helps kids form positive relationships, hold conversations, and build social skills that will benefit them through adulthood.

So before you jump in, here are some common questions from parents about social media.

Is TikTok safe for kids?

What about other social media platforms?

Children see their friends and parents using TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other social media platforms — it isn’t surprising that they want a social media account, too. But is TikTok safe for an 8-year-old? Should you allow your 11-year-old to be on Instagram? And how old should your child be to use Snapchat?

First, it is important to know that according to the terms of service for social platforms, you must be 13 or older to open an online account. Having said that, it can be tricky for online companies to verify age or parental consent so it is easy to get around that rule. But is it a good idea?

Showing children that it’s okay to bend online rules can send mixed messages about the value of honesty. Create healthy social media boundaries by following each platform’s age guidelines.

It’s also good to keep in mind that most kids under eleven have a hard time thinking through the hypothetical consequences of what they share online. As adults, we’ve observed the far-reaching consequences of what people post online: job loss, bullying, public shaming, etc. Is it fair to put that kind of responsibility on a young child? Would we as parents want our child penalized when a future employer stumbles on something he posted at age 10?

Here are some things to consider for each individual social media platform:

TikTok

As a parent, you might be hearing about TikTok trends (slap a teacher, etc.) but the truth is that these challenges don’t belong only to TikTok. Designed to be a source of rapid video clips, TikTok is full of dances, playbacks, lipsync battles, and creative challenges. However, TikTok in particular is more likely to serve your child content from strangers and trigger their addiction to a quick dopamine hit. For a child who may already struggle with managing screen time, TikTok is going to add to that challenge.

Instagram

With filters and curated snapshots, Instagram encourages unlimited scrolling and gives an unrealistic representation of life. It can be hard for kids to differentiate what is real and what has been highly edited. Even knowing those big eyes, white teeth, contoured cheekbones, and smooth skin are all the product of filters, does not change our reaction to thousands of flawless images. For a teen with low self-esteem, Instagram could compound an existing problem.

Snapchat

Sharing snippets of life “in the moment” relieves the pressure to create a cohesive feed or look. However, it also gives the illusion that whatever a kid snaps and sends to friends will disappear anyway, so they don’t have to be as concerned about content. Snapchat is more likely to let friends send your child inappropriate content, threats, or bullying messages in a quick, short timeframe. It can also normalize sharing  “just a few seconds” of moments they normally wouldn’t. But, the platform does produce a wide range of silly and fun filters that kids love to use. Snapchat may be ok for your child to use on your phone and in your presence, but it would not be good for a teen who is easily persuaded by peers.

Questions Parents Frequently Ask About Kids Using Social Media

What is the safest social media platform for a 10-year-old?

Parents should first remember that most social platforms require the user to be 13 or older to open an account. Next, take into account your child’s maturity level. Some children are ready to handle social media in a healthy and respectful way, whereas others aren’t. If your child is eager to be online, but not ready for adult social media, look at steering them towards more kid-friendly sites like Grom Social, Pop Jam, Gecko Life, or Yoursphere.

Am I familiar enough with the social media platform for my child to be on it?

Before you sign your child up for an account, make sure you’re familiar with the service, its privacy settings, and any potential dangers. To stay up on trends and known risks, do some research. Organizations such as Common Sense Media, Internet Matters, and Connect Safely are great resources for getting a quick overview of any platform you may not be familiar with.

How can I talk to my child about social media etiquette?

Let kids know that online etiquette is very much like real-world etiquette. If you wouldn’t say/do/show the thing in a crowded room, then it doesn’t belong on social media.

In the beginning, let your children know that you will be actively supervising their online activities and that you will have access to their social media accounts. Kids respond much better to online supervision if they know what to expect from the beginning. As your child shows more maturity, you can start to turn over the reins. But for now, let them know that it’s your job to teach them how to use social media and to alert them to any dangers. This might involve removing posts, unfriending people, managing their settings, or terminating the account.

At the same time, be respectful of your children and don’t do anything online that might embarrass them. Depending on your kid, even well-meaning posts about them might feel mortifying. If you want to interact with your children on social media, talk to them about their feelings first. If they can trust you, they’ll be less likely to balk at your supervision.

How can I keep my child safe on social media platforms?

Develop a social media contract together that covers what is expected and what the consequences are if your child makes choices online that do not align with what you have agreed. This is not just a list of rules, but a chance to counsel with your children and model how to make good choices. The contract can even cover promises you made to your children about your own social media use and interaction with them on a platform. Post the contract in the kitchen or wherever your family hangs out so everyone can see it often.

For more ideas on talking points or what to include in the contract, be sure to read our Social Media Bootcamp Post.

How can I monitor my child’s social media activity?

When you feel comfortable allowing your child to create a social media account, commit to being proactive about your child’s use of social media.  It is not enough to just follow him online or rely on parental controls and privacy settings. Make sure you have the password for their first social media account so you can log in to see what they are doing and who they are interacting with. Or, make sure you can pick up their phone and view their recent posts.

You can also be proactive by doing the following:

Get to know your child’s friends in real-life and online.

Remind your kids that you will be keeping an eye on where they spend time online and who they socialize with. Many parents and children scoff at eavesdropping but knowing where your child is and who they are talking to isn’t eavesdropping. It’s good parenting.

Keep social media use in the open.

Keep computers and devices in family areas so that online activity can be easily monitored. When anyone can walk by and see what they are doing, kids are more likely to keep behaviors appropriate. It also gives parents an opportunity to interact with kids and see what they are viewing. Having a central location for everyone to check their devices in at night not only protects everyone’s sleep, it keeps social media out of bedrooms.

Be available to answer questions and address concerns.

If your child comes to you for help, don’t get upset or shut down the conversation, even if the subject matter is upsetting. When children ask for our help, it’s because they need and trust us. Reward their openness and try to keep your judgments in check.

Become your child’s social media consultant.

If your kid is a creative type, get involved in their online content creation and help to guide them on what is and isn’t appropriate along the way. For instance, you can become their TikTok advisor by holding the camera or helping them get the dance down just right. Not only will creating together be a great bonding experience, it will put you in a trusted position to help them field any negativity that may arise.

Be ready to step in to enforce your contract or coach kids on how to handle certain situations as needed. Depending on their age, offering suggestions on how they can handle different scenarios may be more appropriate than swooping in to block a bully.

Allowing our kids to be on social media can feel overwhelming at times. But above all, be sure your child knows you’re there to support them and help them have fun in a healthy, uplifting way.